Am I ok?
By Anonymous
If I seem distant
Or vacant
Like I have fallen off the grid
Don't be shocked if I might tell you
There were times I wish
I did
Eighteen months ago, I wrote an anonymous blog for this website about life; my life as the mum of a dependant adult son with complex and challenging ASD and mental health needs.
It was raw, it was honest, it was very in the moment. If truth be told, it was as overwhelming to write as it was cathartic. I was brave enough to pen to paper, but not brave enough to personalise it with my name as I am very protective of my little family.
The most unexpectedly difficult aspect of my honesty was the inability to reply to the heartfelt comments online from parents and carers living a similar life, walking the same path, feeling the same pain, loving the same kind of love; the unmitigated, unconditional, immeasurable love a parent has for their child irrespective of age.
So here I am, inspired by the recent ‘R U OK Day, 2019’, just as reticent, or some might say cowardly, to openly pen my most inner thoughts and feelings once again.
Where to begin…..???
I am beyond grateful; I have a healthy family, I have much to be thankful for. I take little for granted and have learnt to appreciate and celebrate life’s smallest moments.
Having a child with a disability has taught me many invaluable lessons about life and myself – things which have in many ways defined a character in me I would have otherwise never have known
But, I am also human and at times a little vulnerable to say the least.
The last few years have tested me in ways that I never could have imagined.
The last twelve months in particular have been a journey like no other. My challenges in no way compare to the hurdles many other people face on a daily basis, but they are real and they are mine.
Grit, determination, resilience and infinite love has enabled me to continually rise above each hurdle, because as a parent/carer that is my role, my duty, my responsibility; my primary focus and my purpose. That aside, one also needs energy, stamina, good health, a balanced lifestyle and dare I say, a support network.
Surrounded yet isolated is the best way to describe our current situation. We are accessible, but live in a crazy little world of us – a world which is extremely difficult to understand or relate to unless you live it. A world which does not allow flexibility, time or at times, choice and control.
A world which would be just a little sweeter if once in a while someone checked in to say, “Would you like a break?” or “Are you ok?”
You can read the original post from the same author here – “I am the mum & primary of an adult son with complex needs”
