The vision in the midst of chaos
By Bec Glover
Here we are- can you believe we’re in the middle of 2024?! Where oh where is time going? I’ve been reminiscing about the years during the 90’s! When life seemed to be so simple, time breezed by like a whisper in the wind subtly reminding us to live life to the fullest, have holidays, be with family, enjoy each other, talk and laugh with one another and from memory it seemed to take ages for Christmas to come around each year! I grew up in the UK, so Christmas was even more magical with the frosty mornings, glittery lights, late night shopping in the local town with carol singers on the street and excited faces everywhere clutching bags of treasures for loved ones.
My point here is that time seemed to take time. Time passed by at a slower pace. Seasons were enjoyed and celebrated and there was so much hope and possibility for the future.
As I embraced my recollection of memories, and where I’m currently at, what I’m doing, where I am heading and what more should I be doing, I came across this piece of writing below that I put together back in 2012. At that stage I shared my life with a 5 and 3 year old. My life had turned upside down in 2009, I went through a reinvention and re-evaluation of what life was actually about and how I would navigate it. It turns out, I was on the money back then! I couldn’t have said it any better today, in fact, I think I was a lot clearer in mind back then, amidst the chaos of a marriage break down, sale of house, a palliative daughter, living with my parents, keeping my chin up for my five year old, letting go of a career I’d worked hard at, vanishing friendships, relying on a carers pension and there was no sign of the NDIS back then! My words below indicate that living life to the fullest, no matter your circumstances is just a simple formula!
I invite you to read the following, digest, allow to settle and ask yourself- where am I, and what is my vision for the now? As Eckhart Tolle states “Realise deeply that the present moment is all you have. Make the NOW the primary focus of your life.”
Autumn 2012
“Vision is the art of seeing the invisible.” – Jonathan Swift
Having been to many workshops, meetings, information sessions and having general chats with random strangers in hospitals, medical settings, on the street and of course my close friends it has become obvious to me that we are all in the same boat. No matter what our daily struggles are, whether it is finances, children, illness, disability, addictions, employment etc we all face the question…what is it we want out of our life? This is a hard enough question to answer for ourselves, let alone trying to make it for our children. In fact, we shouldn’t need to decide on the destination of our children but pave the path for them to get to the destination of their choice.
You may struggle with this thought as we, as parents and carers have the duty, and I like to think of it as the honour to encourage, motivate, inspire and lead with example down the chosen path in order for our children to commence their journey in this life.
So this leads to the question which continues to be posed on us…. what is your vision? What is your vision for your life? What do you want to see achieved? What journey do you want to take? Which path do you choose? What’s the destination you long for? I appreciate that we are all so caught up with our day to day of just muddling through, I understand that there’s the funding issues, schooling issues, dietary issues, health issues, behavioural issues, mobility issues and the list goes on but please just take a moment to STOP. Take a step back from the situation and just clear your mind. This is not easy at first, but let me tell you, after hours, days, months, and years of continuous crying, screaming and pain from my three-year-old I have mastered the art of emotionally stepping back and just asking for clarity.
It’s amazing how mastering this skill enables you to reduce stress in your day-to-day activities, which in turn relieves stress and tension on your body, your mind and without sounding airy fairy, your spirit!
It is once you have got this peace and de-clutter your mind that you can start to work out your real vision. This leads back to the comments above…. Working out what YOU, YOUR SOUL, and YOUR SPIRIT want and need to live a rich and fulfilled life, which in turn involves your children and the path you lead them down.
I was asked for practical skills at a recent workshop of how I have been able to reduce the stress and chaos in my life, which got me thinking. How did I manage this? So I am going to try and explain how I came to this inner peace and tranquillity, how I got my vision in the midst of complete and utter chaos!
You are all probably aware of the six stages of grief these being;
- Shock/denial
- Pain/Guilt
- Anger
- Depression
- Upward turn
- Acceptance and hope
I believe that unless you have dealt with each of these you will find it difficult to get the clarity and vision you so long for. I would say in most cases people generally get stuck in limbo between anger and depression. Just as things start to see improvement a health issue, finances, education, government etc. rears its ugly head and brings you crashing back to anger, and the viscous circle continues. In a lot of cases, it’s a dark place to be and trying to find that glimmer of hope/light is a massive struggle, especially with the negativity and uncertainty which surrounds us. This is found in your child’s medical specialists, family members and friends who do not have the answers nor know your circumstances. I speak from experience here. It’s so important to get your mind full of clarity and gain that vision for your life so you can just put the opinion of others aside.
“If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is a compromise.” — Robert Fritz
I will now share the stages I have been through and how I have come to great clarity in my mind, heart and soul.
Educate yourself, read as much as you can, watch documentaries, talk to people. For me this has ranged from a homeless lady selling The Big Issue who gave me advice on epilepsy, and really made my day! To books about the human body’s cells and brain function, books about developmental disorders and inspiring stories through to books about the mind, body and spirit, how I can heal myself before trying to tackle my child’s life! I have watched documentaries on autism and how dancing has changed their life to documentaries on how the brain can change itself. There is so much possibility, it’s extremely exciting!
Good friends. Getting a solid group of friends who just ‘get it’. I can’t stress how important this is. When you’re having one of ‘those’ days, weeks, months, just to have someone check up on you, bring you a coffee, force you to go out and have fun for an evening, see a movie etc. Just to have someone to talk to about anything.
Coach/counsellor/ psychologist (now I’d suggest a Support Coordinator or LAC- if they’re actually doing their job!). Keeping your ‘go to’ person informed of what’s going on in your life. It’s been amazing how many times I’ve hit rock bottom and can always count on the support and understanding from someone who can offer help in times of crisis. This may be with talking things through, seeking some helpful strategies, extra respite support, cleaning or a well-deserved massage. Whatever you are going through, good and bad, I have found the support from your ‘go to person’ so valuable.
Time out for yourself. I hear you all chuckling and cursing me! It’s so so true though. You have to remember that you are just as important as the people you care for. Whether this be your child, partner, husband or wife, mother or father even pets! If you crash who will look after them then? It has taken me many years to realise and understand the importance of this. But from taking a well needed two weeks break back in 2011 I was able to recharge my batteries and discover ME again! When you are happy the people around you are and things start to happen. I have no doubt in saying that good things happen to people who are open to them. If you believe that you must keep your head down, keep working, put all the effort into your children and people around you and never think of yourself…who will think of you?
Vision. Getting to this point comes from the four above. From education, good friends/ support, speaking openly about what’s going on in your life, what you need help with, what’s going well etc to getting the space to think for yourself you are on the path to a VISION! Woo hoo! I am still unclear of my ultimate vision but know that I always look for the possibilities in life. I do not linger on the negatives as what’s the point really. I want to educate my girls, no matter what schooling they have, what mobility or communication they show. I believe that they will learn from my own experiences such as travel, education, friends, support, love and happiness. My vision is not materialistic or in solid form. It’s more a vision for the path I want to pave for them. This is why it’s so important to gain your own clarity and almost ‘heal yourself’ before you can create the vision for yourself let alone your children.
“Dissatisfaction and discouragement are not caused by the absence of things but the absence of vision.”
Ability to just ‘BE’. We as humans are so consumed with the idea of what we have to do. We make lists, we add to the list, we think of the list before going to bed, maybe can’t sleep because we’re thinking of the list, then wake up and pop…there’s that list again! From working through the above we eventually learn to just ‘be’. We learn the art of Human Beings. You can always hold the same vision/dream you’ve longed for, but you learn to do it in a different way and learn that what you previously may have held as your ultimate goal was not in fact what you long for. Instead of the big house and nice car it’s to just be ‘comfortable and proud’ of yourself. Perhaps you want more money and support for your child, I mean who doesn’t. By learning to accept your circumstances and work with them you will open up a world of opportunity from friends who can help out and offer their expertise and support which will then enable your stress levels to reduce and in turn your child’s.
Hope and Faith. Everyone can have this if they choose to. You may currently choose to see the negative and live in darkness and misery OR you can choose to see the positive and possibilities in your circumstances. For example, without Ruby and all we’ve been through I would not have met new amazing and inspiring friends. I would not have got myself out of a job I wasn’t really passionate about anymore. I would not have gained the hunger for furthering my education and learning. I would not have learnt to have fun with my girls. I would not have had the opportunity to find my creative self. I would not have travelled to New Zealand, Interstate, and the other side of the world without Ruby and where she’s led me. I have so much to be grateful for and am always looking for opportunities to enrich my life, therefore enriching and envisioning a better life for my girls. You too can achieve the same if you hold hope and faith in your hearts also. I will conclude here, as this has been my journey so far. I know that there is a long, rugged and unknown road ahead but knowing that all will be okay is what will get me through.
“To the person who does not know where he wants to go there is no favourable wind.” — Seneca
Fast forward to the year 2024- here I am, contemplating the meaning of life, realising the years are so short, our loved ones will not be around forever and that we are here for such a short period of time that leaving our footprint and piece of magic on earth is all it’s about. Success comes in all sorts of shapes and sizes, for me it is to create a life which I share with family and friends and conquer the challenges which present themselves, with grace and ease, no matter what the prognosis might be.
With this, I encourage you to consider what your piece of magic will be, and should you wish to reach out, I would love to hear from you and am always open to support you on your journey toward your vision.
With love and gratitude,
Bec
